[Bahasa Indonesia] Orang Yang Nggak Sopan

Saya bikin tulisan ini karena keresahan saya sama orang, bahkan teman-teman saya sekarang yang tidak sopan dalam memperlakukan orang lain. Saya risih. Jujur, saya terkadang menjadi bagian dari 'mereka', toh saya pun adalah seorang manusia. Tapi alangkah baiknya jika kita sebagai manusia saling mengerti, saling mengingatkan, saling introspeksi diri. 

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Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang main smartphone saat diajak bicara serius sama temannya, masalah hidup lah, masalah hatinya lah, banyak.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang nggak memberi kabar ke atasannya kalau dia berhalangan tidak masuk rapat, kerja, ataupun terlihat kerjaannya tidak disentuh sama sekali.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang tidak menjawab pesan orang lain atau temannya padahal di sosial media dia berisik setengah mati meng-update apapun itu.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang nggak minta maaf kalau tahu dia salah. Menurut saya, gengsi yang terlalu tinggi merujuk ke sifat yang tidak sopan itu sendiri.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang bilangnya teman dalam segala hal, mau bantu dalam apapun, tapi diminta bantuin untuk handle satu kerjaan berupa word, photoshop, atau excel saja menghilang tidak ada kabar. Mungkin kalian mengelak orang tersebut punya alasan. Alasan? Banyak, tapi itu hanya excuse, bukan reason.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang bilangnya sibuk nggak bisa bantu padahal memang malas atau nggak mau. Kenapa nggak jujur saja, sih?

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang nggak menghargai orang lain.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang juga nggak menghargai kaumnya sendiri.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu asal post screenshot chatnya bersama kerabat atau kelurga atau pacar tanpa izin sama pihak yang terkait, di-post untuk apa sih alasannya? Ajang gosip?

Orang yang nggak sopan itu memanipulasi kerjaan dia untuk orang lain, lalu setelahnya dia tidak mengerjakan kerjaan tersebut. Orang lain tersebut? Bisa jadi kesusahan, bisa jadi bertahan.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu membuang sampah sembarangan di tulisan "Jangan buang sampah di sini!", atau memberi makanan pada binatang di kebun binatang tepat pada tulisan "Jangan memberi makan binatang ini!". Oh, itu bukan nggak sopan, itu bodoh.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang belum pernah latihan atau rapat pada suatu acara besar padahal sudah H-30 pada acara tersebut. Orang itu nggak sopan pada orang lain yang sudah bekerja keras untuk acara itu. Terlebih bukan tidak sopan, mungkin sombong?

Orang yang nggak sopan itu membiarkan temannya terdiam di antara kerabat-kerabat orang tersebut yang dianggap temannya orang asing. Kalau gitu, kenapa temannya diajak kalau ujung-ujungnya tidak diajak bicara?

Orang yang nggak sopan itu ketika meminjam barang atau meminta sesuatu tanpa bilang dulu ke pemiliknya, langsung ambil saja. Call me old-fashioned, but that is just rude.

Orang yang nggak sopan itu orang yang tidak percaya dengan identitasnya sendiri. Ia dilahirkan di dunia ini untuk mengetahui tujuan hidupnya. Kalau tidak tahu, ya cari tahu. Kalau tidak percaya, berarti dia tidak sopan pada dirinya sendiri, dong? 

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Lima belas cukup, kalau ada keresahan yang sama seperti saya, kalian boleh ceritakan poinnya apa lewat komentar. Beberapa perspektif adalah dari mata saya, mungkin menurut kalian biasa saja. Sebenarnya, ini merupakan hal-hal tidak sopan yang sangat umum dilakukan banyak orang pada zaman milenial ini. Tapi, memang harus ya yang terbiasa dilakukan, dicap menjadi sesuatu yang benar? Sekian, semoga kita tidak seperti yang di atas ya, kurang-kurangi lah hal-hal seperti itu.

Between Humans and Machines

Humans and machines, do you think they have something in common?

Based on what I searched in the Oxford Dictionary, human is relating to or characteristic of people or human beings; of or characteristic of people's better qualities, such as kindness or sensitivity; while machine is an apparatus using or applying mechanical power and having several parts, each with a definite function and together performing a particular task. Have you ever thought that human can be machine or machine can be human? If they could, how so?

As I've been growing and seeing the world wider than I used to, it seems like there are uncountable things that happened in this world, whether they have affected on my life or not, they were still there. Little things or big things, beautiful ones or ugly ones. Things that made me grateful or regretful. Everybody experiences, have experienced and will experience all of those things. We are humans who were born to feel the experiences, whether we would like it or not. Every human is different: they take things differently, they overcome things differently. We are different at some points, but we are the same basically.

South Tangerang, 2018.

Lembang, 2019.

In this modern era, there are many people who see things in one-sided. How can the world be seen as one-sided only? The earth is round, so you have to see from a lot of sides. As I have learned architecture in my college, I remember that one of my lecturers said that a building couldn't be seen only from front elevation, even though people mostly saw from the front elevation. What I learned that you have to see the other three elevations: right side, left side, and rear elevation - so you can understand the form, function, value, and relation between those things in the building. This theory leads to what we have to understand a person. I really like architecture, its basic theory is relevant to daily life and of course, the human itself.

During the process of maturity of human, they tend to see the world more focus on some perspectives they believe in. This is a really common thing and the result will be diverse. The more focus the people, the greater the people will get their goals. But, sometimes, they tend to forget about things that happen outside 'their world', even their own surroundings. While they are growing, they are claimed by their environment to have good grades, goals, lifestyle, manners, and many more. Indonesians older people like to push their children and other children to have lives that the parents want to have. That is pretty annoying to be thought by many people, but that's just how the way it is. We, younger people, have to understand how the world and the environment work and handle all those pressures which will come along the process. Feelings and egos will be surely involved in this kind of thing, it's totally reasonable. The unreasonable thing would be that: people can't control their feelings and egos throughout the pressure of this process, the maturity and growth of a person. I know it's hard to control it when your surroundings are not to be on your side and there seem to be a lot of pressures from almost every side. The ones who can't control should be understood and be embraced, it's not easy to understand and do things according to goals that been set a long time ago, to what our parents want us to be. This will lead to the world of work.

What I mean with the world of work is that people are trying so hard to achieve their goals, their parents' goals, until they forget what the value of life is. They work so late like they have no feeling they have to be conscious. They work ambitiously they turn to be someone else they're nor. They work so hard like a machine in a factory they must stop. This is dangerous if the people are thirsty of having their goals achieved without thinking about having their body and mind be healthy and happy. I've seen a lot of workaholic people who love to do their hobby and make it into a proper job. You know that being anything is good as far as there is no 'more' in enough dose. If there is more, you will have an overdose. Your mind and body won't accommodate the dose that is more. We should know those dosages that fit in ourselves because every person has different dosages of everything.

Korea, 2018.

Jakarta, 2018.

While machines are here with us, existing everywhere we live. Machines are referring to technology as well: any media, tools to capture moments like a camera, machines that fastened some things like a social media (it feels the time is really fast when you use it, am I right?), and other things. Things like these are attached to us, they can't be forgotten and disappear easily. We have already adopted by the technology around us. We live with it.

Have you ever thought that any technology and machines we know can be so related to our lives until we feel something about it? Take a look at an easy case. A smartphone. We live with them and everything is in them, am I right? People's contacts, calendar, schedules, photos of our memories, and many more. It keeps our lives in itself. It makes us involving our own feelings both through and to it. We see people's moments in social media through a smartphone, we keep our moments in it. Another one, a camera. I'm such a huge fan of photography. I love the way a camera can sharpen our eyes through its work. How the pupil of a camera works and captures moments to focus what's to be remembered for us. Photography is a hobby that can make you sense the beauty of the world. I hardly can describe how it makes me sense the beauty of the world, but I think a camera is a tool not to just take pictures or capture moments - it takes you to another level of happiness and you learn how to appreciate little things around you. You're not only keeping moments but also appreciating them. So, that's who we are now, living anything bounded with both offline and online machines. I'm not saying this is not a good thing, this is a good one actually.

You see, humans and machines are living together. They live with each other, they tend to need each other. Live happily with the balance of achieving our goals and appreciating moments in our lives.



All photos were taken by Seagull DF-300X with Minolta Lens (first picture) and Yashica fx3 super 2000 and films: My Heart 200, Fujicolor Superia 200, Hillvale Sunny 16, and Fujicolor Superia 800.

Seri Project is A Healing Program

Hi!

How are yooou guys doing? I hope you're doing all well. I had been busy with college, but finally I'm done with college stuff. I PASSED! I'm still waiting for the graduation, though.

Anyway, what I want to write in this post is something which is really special to me, personally. You probably wonder what Seri Project is and how I could start this project. This is going to be a story that I rarely tell, because I had fear telling about it. But now, I thank God - and myself to have a stronger heart to be more open to people around me.

Seri Project is... a spontaneous project. It started when I was in eighth semester of my college, the beginning of 2018. Back before 2018, in the middle of 2017, I honestly had this self issue related to self esteem. I thought it was really a complicated issue for me to handle. I don't know if anyone else feels this kind of issue, but I think they will feel it at least once in their lives. I'm the person who take most things seriously. People say I'm such a sensitive person and I know it sometimes effects to my mind badly, but I think I can take advantage of my own weakness into a little strength. So, I had this personal issue and I was overwhelmed by it, I couldn't handle it well. I tried to speak up and talk to my close friends but I still didn't feel relieved. It seemed the world was crumbling into pieces and it's my job to puzzle it all from the beginning. Fairness seemed to be blurred back then. I prayed to Allah and I hoped I could see the light between these unconditional darkness. You probably read this and you will say I am being so dramatic, but what I felt was not at all. Every human in this earth has his / her own way to figure out his / her personal issues, to heal the wounds. No problems in this huge place is dramatic, it depends on how the people take the problems. You can't say someone is being dramatic if his / her problem effects to their lives. And from that thought, everyone should be respected.

One of my friend asked me first to do this, to make a social experiment. I said that was a good idea and I actually had intention to do so. Deep inside, I wanted to do this just to let things go, but with a good deed. I'm saying this not because I ran away from my problems, but I thought I needed to do something to keep my mind busy with good things. And this is the perfect project for me to release my issue gradually in a good way. Seri is an Indonesian word for light, beautiful, and looking good. I chose that word because it gives me strength to do this project somehow. Ok, I tell you how this works. So, I planned to give a good quote to a stranger three times a week for a full year of 2018. The quotes themselves I made it with myself, but not 100% came out from my mind - sometimes there were some quotes that I combined. So, I needed to give any strangers my seri cards 159 in total. For such a-not-so-confident woman like me, it was a ten-hard job to do.

At first, it seemed so impossible for me to approach any strangers and give them a card with a quote in English. They were mostly Indonesian, so when somebody didn't understand the words in English, I was really ready to translate it to Indonesian language, haha. The purpose of writing the quotes in English is that I could approach more and talk more with them, the strangers. When it was the fifth week and more, I felt alive having this project going on. It is still running, it hasn't done yet. I've had busy with college and other stuff to do, and some moments I didn't feel like myself (you know what I mean, right?), so I postponed Seri Project until months. Now, in late December, I've only given cards for 61 and I still need to give another 98 cards. I am going to finish it, I promise. It's a promise to myself, that: I can finish what I have started before.

For me, Seri Project is a healing program. I felt like giving them (the strangers) an opportunity to breathe a little bit from this bustling life and giving them a little hope to believe that there is always, like ALWAYS, a good thing in life. And of course it gave myself a room to think about what's good for me, what's good for others. Most people that I gave the cards to, took this project well, they understood what I wanted to do, why I did this. Some people rejected me, some people didn't care, and a few people went away when I wanted to approach. That's a common thing I guess when you have this kind of project that involve A LOT of strangers. You know, it's not only for strangers. Sometimes I gave it to the people I know, I wanted to give them a great hope for themselves and a great self esteem for them to be carried in their future.

These were some of the people who were given the cards. They're all from different backgrounds, races, and cultures. And I really enjoyed talking with them even if it's just in a very short time. My intention is for giving a great thing every week to people, so I hope they are doing good now, wherever they are. It has really effected me. I don't know what this feeling called, but I feel little pure joy inside me while doing this. But you know, when you wanted to approach a stranger, there would be some awkward moments to start the conversation.

If you want to check the moments of Seri Project, you can click here.

I am doing good now, just for your information, hehe. I really want to back on track as soon as possible. I want to feel THAT relieve moment when I gave the cards. Anyway, I want to thank all of my friends who encouraged me to do this project and stayed by my side while I was giving the cards, hehe. Whoever read this and feel like you have involved in this project, whether you are my friend or the stranger I gave the card to, I thank you for participating and helping me to heal my wounds piece by piece. I'm here, saying all these things and trying this project, not only for my goodness, but for others. I try to be kind and humble every single day. I want people to realize that being kind and humble is the most satisfying thing that will ever happened to them, because you will feel positive and people who tend to be close to you, who look up to you, will feel the same thing. Positive mind is contagious, so is happiness.

I really hope you got something after reading this, and I hope you have a great life.
Thank you! :)

 #sharekindness #peopletopeople

At Dusk I Prayed

Today,
In the previous time, I went somewhere up in the hill. I was supposed to tell my friends or family that I went to this place, but I didn't. I didn't have courage to tell them - all I wanted to stay alone for some time. I drove by myself in the late afternoon. I didn't expect that I could go there by myself. It's a bit far, almost an hour driving. It's funny that I used to think this place shouldn't be visited again because I had a bad memory there. But, I began to fall for this place, because it's beautiful in every kind of situation.

I parked near the top of the hill, it's almost dusk and few people were there already, most of them were partners. I was there alone. Most of the guards asked me why I was alone, then I answered I was alone because I wanted to, I had to. I passed them with smiling and I started to look around the hill. People were sitting down by the bench. As I saw them enjoying their time, I looked up and there were trees. They're only trees but I could feel them moving by the wind, as if they welcomed the people. I searched for an empty stone-chair and I sat down slowly. It's very quiet and a bit cloudy. 

After some minutes waiting, I started to see lights had been turning on one by one below the hill. It's beautiful, I can't say any other words than beautiful. The sun was probably already too tired to shine, then it disappeared slowly. The dusk tucked the sun in, and I began to inhale a little bit longer - deeper. I prayed in that moment. I prayed for myself that I could be given strength to live more than live less. I prayed like the other human being on earth pray for their health, goodness, and safety. It looked like I'm a selfish person who always prays for myself only. It didn't mean like it. I prayed for myself first because I've been having difficulties dealing with myself and the world had been offering me some tough lessons that I couldn't catch them up quickly. I need some time to think, maybe to heal.

I talked to my heart that moment, the dusk was still there, kindly accompanied me and the rest of the souls. I asked my heart, "I know I'm not hopeless. But, I'm on the edge of something wrong. What am I supposed to do now?"

Not far from that question. the dusk was gone and there were stars -  a lot of stars were trying to entertain me with its game. They were underneath the hill. It was lovely.

My heart replied, whispering through my body, "Keep looking forward, my dear. I'll make sure you see the stars every time you're in the dark."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I always see something good in you. I admit that I'm sometimes clumsy and careless about your life. But, in the end, you'll get up from your fall, soon or later. That's the most important thing in life."

"I don't seem to get up right now."

"It's ok. There will be time for it. The stars are in front of you, are you enjoying it?"

"I am."

"Let's make a wish for you."

"I wish I could be stronger."
"There you go. Then, you will. You are going to."
"It's so quiet in here."
"I think you need it."

As I stopped talking to my heart, I inhaled deeper and the nature sounded so right. I welcomed the wind and let it touch my cheeks. It's so cheesy for you (obviously) that I listened to some instrumental songs while watching these city lights just to make me feel relaxed and think less about anything. Honestly, I cried while I was there. I cried because I survived until this stage of life. I cried because I'm afraid.

After I managed myself to be relieved, I walked down the hill to my car. It's a major step from me doing this kinda thing. I was thinking that this was the best me-time of my life so far. I went back home safe. I went home and there was my mom. I hugged her and thanked her. The rest of the night was fine, I continued to read some theories for my final assignment and I thought it would be great I wrote something about today. So, I wrote about it, here. :)

All videos were recorded by iPhone 6s and edited by Splice.

Why Is It So Hurtful?

You started to be comfortable with someone you know.
You started to like his weaknesses and you tried to deal with them.
You thought nothing but things he liked to watch.
You thought the world seemed to stop just to understand your feels.
You had no doubt about yourself around him.
You had control power of yourself to make him feel better - and possibly loved.
You felt he could fix you to get out of your black hole.
You felt two souls could see each other's eyes with the same heart.

But,
You start to match every bad luck and tight them up.
You start to hide your hopes into your black hole.
You think his past is as scary as yours.
You think he thinks you are as same as the others - nothing much.
You have a lot of doubts about everything around him.
You have no rights to make him feel better or worse.
You feel there is no light seeing this opportunity.
You feel too happy yet too much pain in one situation.
At the end you'll ask yourself, "Why is it so hurtful?"

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August 27th, 2019, feeling a bit blue.

The Abandonment of Tenggarong City

Have you ever gone to Samarinda before?

Samarinda is located in East Kalimantan, Indonesia. It is very very humid and hot, to be honest. I recommend you to go there, to see all the beautiful sides, yet all the abandonment places there.

Actually, my mom and I decided to go to Samarinda to see a wedding whom my dad's friend invited us. That was the only reason we went to Samarinda. As day by day passing by there, we asked ourselves, "why did we waste so much time here (5 days) without seeing the city, sight seeing and having little tour about it?" So, that's why we started to plan spontaneously to have sight seeing around Samarinda the day right after we went to a wedding of my dad's friend's daughter.

The next day, we went to Tenggarong City. It is located not to far from Samarinda, it'll take about an hour to go there from Samarainda. I personally think that Tenggarong is a very lonely city, because there are less people and activities in this city. Local people said (I read some news also) there was a governor named Rita Widyasari. She was famous for her role as a good governor, but live luxuriously. She is now in jail because of her corruption case. Oh, Mrs. Rita, how could you take money from your own people?

We were happy, though, to see Mulawarman Museum. There were a lot of strong histories explained in this museum. 

The center room of Mulawarman Museum.

Closer look of local governor(s) of East Kalimantan.

After the visit of this museum, we went to Kumala Island which is located across Tenggarong City. It is a small island, built to be a tourism place for public. We had wanted to go to Kumala Island right after we prayed Duhur at 12:00 PM. But the sun directly stroke so harsh, so we decided to go to the island later (at about 3:00 PM). The weather at 3:00 PM was not so great, because it was raining hard earlier. Honestly, my impression to Kumala Island is very very disappointed. As a visitor, my expectation to a place for tourism was at least being maintained well. But this was... really shocking me. 

This place is the only thing that was good enough in this island.

There were flood everywhere in the island because of raining. There were children playing around the island with bikes. But there was FLOOD, come on. I expect that every place in the city should have at least a good irrigation. I saw with my own eyes that this island, and even this City of Tenggarong, have been ignored because of the case of Rita Widyasari. Again, I'm going to talk about Mrs. Rita Widyasari. She was one of the supervisor of this tourism place. She had a lot of great programs to improve Tenggarong City back then. But, news on the internet said that she took more than a hundred billions with two other suspects, along the way while she was building up Tenggarong City; starting from building schools, infrastructures, tourism places, and a lot more. She took the money from her own people. She took it when she impressed her people with her programs as a governor. That's basically ironic. Now, the city looks like a dead city with no improvement. I really don't like corrupt, and this case, with real evidence I saw (while I expected to have a great holiday), makes me both sad and angry. 

On the other day, we went spontaneously to Aji Imbut Stadium in Tenggarong too.

And, another disappointment I've got here in the stadium. The stadium is big: it has a very spacious parking lot, a great site to visit. But, again, it is being abandoned because there is no people who wants to take care of it! Oh my, I was upset seeing this. I mean, the government agreed to build something, and it was used once or twice, then what? Nothing happened again after that. The people agreed to the government decision on building this stadium. But, no one takes an act for this case. A building costs A LOT of money, effort, human resources, and of course giant equipment. The money comes from the people who live there and pay taxes. Don't they think that they deserve to have more than just some abandonment buildings? If you think about it, it has the other side to see. I know that making a good maintenance of a building or a public place needs a lot of money to pay human resources and more equipment. But, it's getting on my nerves, really. They should be more aware of what's happening in their own region, and I speak this to both the people and the government. 

I'm here just to say what I have read and have experienced. So, in my point of view, I'm blaming the corrupts who couldn't think clearly before they did something that was really horrible to imagine. Tenggarong City should be a worth city to live in again, without any corrupts inside of the government's organization structures. The people deserve it. I realize, as a true citizen of Indonesia, that I need to do something about it. Starting from little thing I should do, be more aware of my surroundings, whether it's my neighborhood, environment, region, or my people. We should at least BE AWARE. Being aware makes you want to do something, to care about what is happening in our country, our world. From caring, you will feel within your heart you have to do something about it, make a change, a good change. I don't quite understand politics, but I can tell, everybody can tell, that corruption is unacceptable in any kind of situation.

Before I end this post, let me show you some food I ate in East Kalimatan to make me (and you) feel better, lol.

Curry Martabak by the river. It was GOOD I can tell you.

This isn't Durian, it's Lai Fruit. The taste is great, Durian's still the winner, though.

All photos were taken by Yashica fx super 2000 and film Portra 160, except for the food pictures I took with my iPhone 6s.

When You Shut Your People Down

Hi.

I'm going to bring up a topic that is quite hard to understand, and I hope you're still okay with this one.

You sure all have the people you like, you love - who are always there to cheer you up. You sure have the people who don't hesitate to say hi to you first, who never forget to chat you first to catch up with you and your life updates. You sure have the people who do big things for the sake of your happiness - even if they're only a few ones. 

But, what if you shut them down? 

There's this time you are afraid of being opened to most of people. You are so afraid of being judged until you realize all these things are not worth to be talked about with your loved ones. Have you felt, at that moment, most of your efforts seemed to go amiss? There's this time you feel like crying but you surely think that crying definitely isn't a solution? And when that happened, you start to be quiet all of sudden - and this is the dangerous part: you start to shut people down. There are a lot of negative things in this world, A LOT. And this thing could happen if you let those negative things come into your mind - even it's just a few ones. 

What I'm saying that being in a circle of that phase will make you walk in the same feeling: heartless. Maybe you will feel the pain, but it comes from yourself. For people who are struggling to avoid that feeling and most of the times it's still coming back, I know what it feels like. I have a problem with that feeling as well. The way negative things come to you easily is just a very unfortunate thing that I have, that maybe people out there have. I'm not regretting this happen to me. Although it seems like a weakness to you, I feel like it's the only opportunity for me to see things in both sides. I AM still trying to be more open to things that happen continuously in this life cycle. 

Back to the topic. When you shut your people down, I think it's common for people to do that - as long as it's not too much and dramatic. I do that to clear my mind, to see what I should do in the future in a long term, to realize if my do-things were good enough for me and people around me, to basically reflect yourself. You were born to socialize with people. But it's really fine to stay away from them for a while, then you can come back with your new fresh mind.

I think I'm saying all these things to myself. to remind myself that it is both okay and not okay to shut people down when you feel like you actually shut yourself down. The point is that you have to believe in yourself first, that's the key. Believe that you can do great things to yourself, to your family, to the world. For some people it's very easy because they already have power in their mind, but for some people it's the opposite because they have to build up that power, the belief. The next point is that you have to get closer to Your Creator, this is also the key. If you don't have people to talk to, if you feel like you can't be open to people, be open to God - He always listens to you no matter what. 

In conclusion, I don't expect you to be sympathetic to what I feel right now, I just need you to understand - not only to me, but to people who seem to shut their people down. There must be some sort of reasons why people do things differently than they usually do. 

Thank you for reading this, though. :)

An Eid Mubarak and An Afterthought

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

/May peace be upon you./

What an Eid Mubarak means to you? 

An Eid Mubarak to me... is something that I have to deal with annually. It doesn't mean it's bad, it's truly the most amazing moment of the year. It's the time after a full month-fasting, so it's a celebration. 

Eid Mubarak is a moment you can see yourself for the past whole one month you've become, you've grown. It is a moment you can reflect yourself as a Muslim, as a person, who try to be better in so many ways, to always fulfill God's orders - see everything by not only eyes but also by a heart. It is a moment you can open your heart and see people you know; you hate; you love, and try to forgive their mistakes slowly even though it's really hard to do. I know it's hard because it's human nature not to forgive others easily. But I always remember that God always forgives His servants. He is the Most Merciful of all things and creatures in this world. I believe a human can forgive too. 

Eid Mubarak is the time that you see for the past one month you were asking for your safety, forgiveness, success, and always remember Allah. Eid Mubarak is the time you see a beautiful warm light towards you and you are aware that it is something you've missed after a whole year of ups and downs of your life. Eid Mubarak is the time of the year that you can hug your hopes so tight, then you let them be free - be some things that will be achieved somehow, someday. It's always a reminder for me to know that Ramadhan was coming, and then it didn't feel like it's a whole month passing by - because it feels like it's only a couple days. You will regret some prayers you skipped already in this month because it happens once a year. Once. 

Sometimes you feel like you are close to Your Creator, sometimes you don't. Eid Mubarak is the time (for me) that you get to know better and closer to Your Creator. And, you can see Him through everything you've done, you will do in the future, as long as it's positive and make a good impact for others. You can get to know Him better through your love to your family. You can get to know Him better through your passion in life. You can get to know Him closer through your problems in life. Yet, you can get to know Him closer through your absolute happy times of your life. You can get to know Him better and better if you want to learn to be a better person. You will see magnificent things in life, and you started to think that all of those things are His creations, His wills. 

I've seen a lot of Eid Mubarak in my life. The ages are absolutely different every year. The places might be different. But what I always have (the same thing) when an Eid Mubarak comes, and that is: I have the same full members family, sometimes I'll get more. The feels of joy, bliss, blessed, and just happy - are the same in every Eid Mubarak. Nothing will change in this celebration day. I am beyond blessed of this day finally comes. I am beyond blessed I see myself as I am today. Alhamdulillah.

I hope every Muslim in this world would have the same feeling as I have to this Eid Mubarak. Let us be grateful for what we have, what we've become. Don't forget that Allah is with us. He is ALWAYS with us, no matter you are in the top of the world or you are under the deepest ocean. Let us enjoy this moment with our loved ones. Let us be happy - and I hope it'll be contagious to other people and it will become a habit for us to make ourselves happy - to make other people happy.

Minal aidzin wal faidzin.

Happy Eid Mubarak 1439 H everyone. I hope you have a very great magical blessed day! :)

The Process

Hi there!

How's your life going? I hope it's going well, fine, and full of joy. I'm really busy with my last studio project at college (I'm actually having trouble with time management, so I'm terribly sorry for not writing anything recently). 

I've been thinking these couple weeks, that life is so much more than having a goal that you want to have for almost ages, or spending time doing nothing. I mean, those two are really great to do: have something that you've been wanting for so long and spend time doing nothing just because you already have the 'thing' you wanted before. I've been thinking about this because of my lack of searching - searching for something right to do in my life. I still don't know what it is, but basically I'm happy I'm still searching for 'it'. It's the process that I'm happy I'm in it, be a part of it. 

The process of searching, 

the process of giving, 

the process of reaching,

the process of having, 

any processes you are dealing with right now,

it does matter to your life - probably it won't impact to you now, but later on. 

I'm such a person who love to see the process behind everything that happened. I naturally like to judge to people, things, and basically everything. Well, who doesn't? People are born to have sort of judgmental behaviour. But, when it comes to see the reason behind those people, things, and everything, I started to realize that we are born not to have things we want to have. We are born, as human beings, to learn things in life - to feel both joy and sorrow over and over again. It's really satisfying when you know - you realize that we live in a beautiful place despite the bad people, global warming, and anything bad. 

I know it's so hard for people to see things beside their own perspective. They are somehow close-minded for things they don't care about, they don't know about. You can't just put aside anything you don't want to know into a strange-broken box and throw it away. What I'm trying to say is that we have to be aware to one another, to our own people, our own environment. Even tough it makes us struggling to be aware of any of those stuffs, but at least we should try. The world needs people who appreciate themselves, and surely the others by giving people joy and hope to live - the simplest thing to do, yet the hardest one.

Back at it, the process. When I joined some of the organisations both in the college and outside the college, I often got problems with time management or people I worked with. Working as a team was really hard for me, because my friends and I wanted different things even we were in one organisation that has one vision; even we were having the same interest. But, as the time went by, we worked together well, as a team, and it's because we appreciated each other's mind and opinion. We appreciated the process we had before the product had made or the day had come. It's really relieving to appreciate little things in life, to appreciate the process you are dealing with right now, trust me. And from that, you will eventually get the joy and life values. 

Wow, I'm happy sharing you this. I'm glad. I hope we can appreciate more and judge less.

I took these photos when it was Indonesia's Independence Day, 2017.

All photos were taken by Yashica fx3 super 2000 and film Ilford  400 (sorry I forget what type of Ilford I used).

We Need A Little Freedom

It's holiday timeee! And by the way, Happy New Year 2018!

I'm super excited to have this holiday, to break from the architecture world; to refresh my mind, body, and all. 

You know, I always want to do something that comes spontaneously in my mind. It's always such a good idea for now. I mean, people are always thinking everything a little bit too much, or I guess I'm now in an adulthood so I can say 'people', which are people in my age or even older? I don't know. Back on it, people (that I know) are mostly grown-up now. It's hard to ask them to play games or go outside in the middle of the day and they said yes. It's just pretty hard. They (including me) already have their own priorities. It's not even a problem - it's just a game changing, because I've stepped on this kind of period now. 

What I want to talk about is what I wrote in the title. Yes, a freedom. People work and work, and yet they forget to refresh their mind. I've been in my architecture major for almost 4 years, and believe me, I know how hectic the world is when I'm doing my studio assignment, ha ha ha. I mean, I know how the world became so busy and chaos when you tried to chase the deadlines of your work, assignments, life goals. People are crazy about chasing things through anything - work time, competitions, education, and many more. All they do is taking, they forget how to give. I'm saying that this world needs a little warm love from people like me, like you, like us. And I'm here not being a preacher or a teacher. I'm just here to remind you and of course myself, to always remember that you are better than you thought you were, and you can find happiness in a simplest way or even complicated one. There's always a way for you to get off the desk chair, avoid the busy life, and start doing anything you want to do for just a couple of minutes, hours, days, months, or even years. Let yourself take a deep breath, be grateful for what you have now, and enjoy every little things that happen in your life. Let those little things become a very great value of your life. Last but not least, don't forget to smile and give some kindness to the people you love, even to strangers! 

A freedom should be just there in everyone's soul, and it should be embraced by the person who has it, which is... every person in this world. A freedom to see the world, how beautiful it is when you see it not only by a side of yours. A freedom to tolerate everything that happen in your life, like the people who struggle to achieve their hopes. A freedom to dream and hope. There will be no change unless they who want to dream, hope, and have a little of patience. It's also my resolution this year, that I want to dream a little more, hope a little more, and have A LOT of patience, because I'm really bad at controlling my emotions haha. So, yeah, I think a freedom is to explore more about yourself, about the world, and let that happen spontaneously - you will unexpectedly feel the satisfaction about it. 

Anyway, two of my friends and I went to Gunung Batu weeks ago. It's actually for my little business, but I realize we needed a little freedom, freedom to feel the fresh air after all the things we've been through. So, we brought cameras, a car, and these freedom souls (it's too dramatic I know, lol) to Gunung Batu. We had sooo much fun that day. I don't want to be the one who have fun day, so I hope you have a very good day today, and more days ahead. Cheers to 2018!  

All photos were taken by Yashica fx3 super 2000 and film Agfa Vista 200.

Body Issues

Hi,

it feels ages not to write something here, haha.

Ok, so, I'm going to talk... maybe a lot about myself. As you know, every person has different thoughts about life. They always have problems and issues about themselves, other people, things they don't like; basically what makes them insecure about having this life. In this post, I'm going to share something about what makes me insecure and I'm definitely not telling this for fun or for vanity. I'm doing this just to make sure that people out there, who still make other people a mental breakdown or insecure about themselves, understand that every person definitely, I mean DEFINITELY has a difficult time in their lives. So, don't make it worse. 

I have this body issues going on recently. I actually have a big body, I never tell anyone about my weight just because I don't want anyone to know about it (except my trainer, doctor, or nurse when I was in hospital for body checkup). I'm not saying I'm jealous to slim people or people who have their weight less than mine. I always try to embrace my body, I mean to have it completely without being insecure, to accept my body. But the thing is, some people don't see me that way. Some people see me as just a fat girl who's trying to have a life. That could be the meanest thing I've ever heard from myself, but it's kinda true. I got people who said mean things to me about my body. You see, my biggest issue is having this big body. And every time someone trying to touch that, I'm being literally insecure about it.  And that, that makes me want to have slimmer body, and little things I shouldn't think of.

The only thing I could do is just to ignore them. I did. I did every suggestion my friend told me. I did listen to my heart and soul to ignore the people. But my mind, there's always something that whispers to me not to ignore them and tell me to take their words seriously. It tells me I'm some kind of a person that's not worth. It makes me both sad and angry at the same time. And it happens over and over again, like a car wheel. It came back to me every damn time. Those insecurities seem to grow in my mind and slowly destroy all of my good thoughts. It scares me. 

You probably think I'm crazy enough to tell all of this in this post, but trust me, sometimes I just need a confession. I need people to know this, because this is serious to me. And I hope... I hope that you  could understand about what's going on to me, to people who have the same issues, or even worse. I know I'm not alone, but it feels like it right now.

Thank you for intentionally or unintentionally reading this. I hope you don't judge like as I'm so desperate about life, about having a good slim body. Well, I just want a fit body, and I want accept my body for like... a whole body that I have. I'm still trying to embrace my body though, always. I don't need your pity. All I need from you is to treat me as a normal human being. That's all. 

:)