Today,
In the previous time, I went somewhere up in the hill. I was supposed to tell my friends or family that I went to this place, but I didn't. I didn't have courage to tell them - all I wanted to stay alone for some time. I drove by myself in the late afternoon. I didn't expect that I could go there by myself. It's a bit far, almost an hour driving. It's funny that I used to think this place shouldn't be visited again because I had a bad memory there. But, I began to fall for this place, because it's beautiful in every kind of situation.
In the previous time, I went somewhere up in the hill. I was supposed to tell my friends or family that I went to this place, but I didn't. I didn't have courage to tell them - all I wanted to stay alone for some time. I drove by myself in the late afternoon. I didn't expect that I could go there by myself. It's a bit far, almost an hour driving. It's funny that I used to think this place shouldn't be visited again because I had a bad memory there. But, I began to fall for this place, because it's beautiful in every kind of situation.
I parked near the top of the hill, it's almost dusk and few people were there already, most of them were partners. I was there alone. Most of the guards asked me why I was alone, then I answered I was alone because I wanted to, I had to. I passed them with smiling and I started to look around the hill. People were sitting down by the bench. As I saw them enjoying their time, I looked up and there were trees. They're only trees but I could feel them moving by the wind, as if they welcomed the people. I searched for an empty stone-chair and I sat down slowly. It's very quiet and a bit cloudy.
After some minutes waiting, I started to see lights had been turning on one by one below the hill. It's beautiful, I can't say any other words than beautiful. The sun was probably already too tired to shine, then it disappeared slowly. The dusk tucked the sun in, and I began to inhale a little bit longer - deeper. I prayed in that moment. I prayed for myself that I could be given strength to live more than live less. I prayed like the other human being on earth pray for their health, goodness, and safety. It looked like I'm a selfish person who always prays for myself only. It didn't mean like it. I prayed for myself first because I've been having difficulties dealing with myself and the world had been offering me some tough lessons that I couldn't catch them up quickly. I need some time to think, maybe to heal.
I talked to my heart that moment, the dusk was still there, kindly accompanied me and the rest of the souls. I asked my heart, "I know I'm not hopeless. But, I'm on the edge of something wrong. What am I supposed to do now?"
Not far from that question. the dusk was gone and there were stars - a lot of stars were trying to entertain me with its game. They were underneath the hill. It was lovely.
"What makes you so sure?"
"I always see something good in you. I admit that I'm sometimes clumsy and careless about your life. But, in the end, you'll get up from your fall, soon or later. That's the most important thing in life."
"I don't seem to get up right now."
"It's ok. There will be time for it. The stars are in front of you, are you enjoying it?"
"I am."
"Let's make a wish for you."
"I wish I could be stronger."
"There you go. Then, you will. You are going to."
"It's so quiet in here."
"I think you need it."
As I stopped talking to my heart, I inhaled deeper and the nature sounded so right. I welcomed the wind and let it touch my cheeks. It's so cheesy for you (obviously) that I listened to some instrumental songs while watching these city lights just to make me feel relaxed and think less about anything. Honestly, I cried while I was there. I cried because I survived until this stage of life. I cried because I'm afraid.
After I managed myself to be relieved, I walked down the hill to my car. It's a major step from me doing this kinda thing. I was thinking that this was the best me-time of my life so far. I went back home safe. I went home and there was my mom. I hugged her and thanked her. The rest of the night was fine, I continued to read some theories for my final assignment and I thought it would be great I wrote something about today. So, I wrote about it, here. :)
All videos were recorded by iPhone 6s and edited by Splice.
"There you go. Then, you will. You are going to."
"It's so quiet in here."
"I think you need it."
As I stopped talking to my heart, I inhaled deeper and the nature sounded so right. I welcomed the wind and let it touch my cheeks. It's so cheesy for you (obviously) that I listened to some instrumental songs while watching these city lights just to make me feel relaxed and think less about anything. Honestly, I cried while I was there. I cried because I survived until this stage of life. I cried because I'm afraid.
After I managed myself to be relieved, I walked down the hill to my car. It's a major step from me doing this kinda thing. I was thinking that this was the best me-time of my life so far. I went back home safe. I went home and there was my mom. I hugged her and thanked her. The rest of the night was fine, I continued to read some theories for my final assignment and I thought it would be great I wrote something about today. So, I wrote about it, here. :)
All videos were recorded by iPhone 6s and edited by Splice.
