Hi,
it feels ages not to write something here, haha.
Ok, so, I'm going to talk... maybe a lot about myself. As you know, every person has different thoughts about life. They always have problems and issues about themselves, other people, things they don't like; basically what makes them insecure about having this life. In this post, I'm going to share something about what makes me insecure and I'm definitely not telling this for fun or for vanity. I'm doing this just to make sure that people out there, who still make other people a mental breakdown or insecure about themselves, understand that every person definitely, I mean DEFINITELY has a difficult time in their lives. So, don't make it worse.
I have this body issues going on recently. I actually have a big body, I never tell anyone about my weight just because I don't want anyone to know about it (except my trainer, doctor, or nurse when I was in hospital for body checkup). I'm not saying I'm jealous to slim people or people who have their weight less than mine. I always try to embrace my body, I mean to have it completely without being insecure, to accept my body. But the thing is, some people don't see me that way. Some people see me as just a fat girl who's trying to have a life. That could be the meanest thing I've ever heard from myself, but it's kinda true. I got people who said mean things to me about my body. You see, my biggest issue is having this big body. And every time someone trying to touch that, I'm being literally insecure about it. And that, that makes me want to have slimmer body, and little things I shouldn't think of.
The only thing I could do is just to ignore them. I did. I did every suggestion my friend told me. I did listen to my heart and soul to ignore the people. But my mind, there's always something that whispers to me not to ignore them and tell me to take their words seriously. It tells me I'm some kind of a person that's not worth. It makes me both sad and angry at the same time. And it happens over and over again, like a car wheel. It came back to me every damn time. Those insecurities seem to grow in my mind and slowly destroy all of my good thoughts. It scares me.
You probably think I'm crazy enough to tell all of this in this post, but trust me, sometimes I just need a confession. I need people to know this, because this is serious to me. And I hope... I hope that you could understand about what's going on to me, to people who have the same issues, or even worse. I know I'm not alone, but it feels like it right now.
Thank you for intentionally or unintentionally reading this. I hope you don't judge like as I'm so desperate about life, about having a good slim body. Well, I just want a fit body, and I want accept my body for like... a whole body that I have. I'm still trying to embrace my body though, always. I don't need your pity. All I need from you is to treat me as a normal human being. That's all.
:)
